I don't forgive you.. but I do forgive myself

I moved here for me, myself, and I. Yet I got comfortable with having you around. Half the time I've spent in this city has been with you, and maybe that is why it's so hard to say goodbye. Our time was short together, but there was a comfort in knowing I had someone around to waste time with. Someone to cook with, explore with, talk to, laugh with and someone who wouldn't let me go to bed alone every night. I know with time, I will be content doing all of those on my own again, but for now I miss you.

I'm caught between wanting this to be over and wishing we could go back

I moved here for me, myself, and I. Yet I got comfortable with having you around. Half the time I've spent in this city has been with you, and maybe that is why it's so hard to say goodbye. Our time was short together, but there was a comfort in knowing I had someone around to waste time with. Someone to cook with, explore with, talk to, laugh with and someone who wouldn't let me go to bed alone every night. I know with time, I will be content doing all of those on my own again, but for now I miss you.

What's your biggest fear?

I use to think my biggest fear was tornados, or snakes or heights or something superficial like those but the older I get, I more I realize my biggest fear is abandonment. I have lived through times in my life where I felt abandoned. The idea of not being enough, or maybe being too much and causing someone I have let so far into my life or into my chaotic thoughts scares the fuck out of me. I'm scared to be left alone in my own feelings for too long without a lifeline to pull me out. It breaks my heart that the one thing I fear is the one thing I have done to others time and time again. I fear being abandoned but yet when times get tough, or uncomfortable sometimes I'm the first one to throw in the towel and walk away because I think that is what the other person wants from me. Reflection: In this moment I realized that he feels like I abandoned him and now he has abandoned me. We are in a vicious circle that we can't break, and maybe we never will be able too. I fear what I can't fix, and I can't fix that I abandoned him first.